


à dieu, adieu

by CinnamonHan



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Christie i’m so sorry for this ily, For a Seungjin and Jilix fic this is pretty Seungsung heavy, Hyunjin has a soft spot for Seungmin, Jisung just want to help, M/M, Main Character Death, Seungsung childhood best friend, Side Jilix, Terminal Illness, Unhappy ending(?), but also literally sick, demon!Hyunjin, i tried to base it on the 5 stages of grief but idk, of everything, possibly inaccurate portrayal of the emotions of a dying person, seungmin is sick, slight nihilism (sort of), technically a Seungjin fic but there is not much romance(?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21970543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonHan/pseuds/CinnamonHan
Summary: “So tell me, when will I die?”
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Kim Seungmin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	à dieu, adieu

**Author's Note:**

  * For [krystine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/krystine/gifts).



> This story is dedicated to Christie (@minminstie on twt) for Secret Santa this year.  
> It's my first time writing Seungjin so consider yourself warned if the dynamics and characterizations are off  
> I hope you like it! uwu

These days Seungmin found it harder and harder to find a reason to wake up in the morning. He still did, years of habit and his body clock ensured that he woke up at 7 am without a fail, every single day. Slowly, he rose from his bed and switched off the alarm before it could sound off. He could hear the muffled chatter of his family, distant but familiar, from the direction of the dining room. Seungmin decided he didn’t want to interact with his family just yet and made his way to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

When he finally joined his family at the breakfast table, everything seemed normal. His father was reading the newspaper, the economics section if his favourite; his mother traveled back and forth between the kitchen and the dining table, bringing with her more food each time. All three of them were dressed in their best Sundays. The looked like a picturesque image of an ideal family that Seungmin’s mother would love to frame up and hang on the wall.

“Oh, Seungmin, I was just about to wake you,” his mother said.

Seungmin wanted to grimace at that, but he managed to turn it into some form of a smile. He had never needed to be woken up by his parents ever since he turned 6. Seungmin was an independent child, he never needed much attention or guidance from his parents. Too used to having to figure things out by himself. These past months, his mother has been a helicopter parent, fussing over him unnecessarily and treating him like he was an invalid.

“Anyway, it’s good that you’re awake now,” she continued, “That means we could go to church a little early.”

Seungmin’s family was never religious. Going to church was something his family has been trying out lately. “It’ll be good for us,” his mother had said, “Maybe God will answer our prayers.” In the entire 16 years that he has been alive for, Seungmin has never seen his mother pray to anyone in any sort of form. He doesn’t think his mother suddenly found faith or hear the call of God either; going to church just helps put his mother’s mind at ease, and give her something to hold onto – a placebo if you will. 

And that’s how Seungmin found himself sitting in church every Sunday, sandwiched between his mother and father, surrounded by people he doesn’t care to know, half-listening to a sermon he’s sure he won’t remember later. Halfway into the sermon, the priest’s voice started to sound like white noise to him, and Seungmin found his mind wandering. He glanced at the giant cross in the middle, and traced the details of craftsmanship with his eyes, and stopped to focus on Jesus’ face. _Did you hear my prayer, my screams for help, forever ago?_

It’s funny, being here, surrounded by believers. When they say their prayers, all he can do is stand still and watch. Seungmin has nothing to pray for anymore.

A strange thought crossed his mind then. _If God won’t give him answers, maybe others will._

* * *

Arms folded behind his head, Hyunjin leaned back to the tree bark behind him, making himself comfortable. He didn’t bother disguising himself or masking his presence since there were not many people around the vicinity. Only children or adult humans with the purest of hearts would be able to see him anyway (and trust him, those are quite rare nowadays). And plus, it would be fun to scare a child or two, he’s been consumed by boredom all day since he was only assigned to take one soul today. 

A distance away from him, there were two kids, brothers from what Hyunjin gathered. He’s been watching them for a few minutes now. When Hyunjin had settled on the branch, the two of them were playing with their own respective toys. At some point, the oldest of the brothers seemed to grow bored with his toy and asked the young brother to switch with him. When the younger refused, the oldest took the toy by force and pushed down the other. Hyunjin watched silently as the younger brother began to cry then, and started running to where their mother was sitting – possibly to rat out his big brother.

The older brother, for his part, did not seem to think what he did was wrong, and began to resume his make-believe with his brother’s toy. Suddenly, as if sensing that he’s being watched, the oldest looked up. His eyes met Hyunjin, and he gasped. Hyunjin gave him his best smile. Just like that, the kid started crying too and made a run to the same direction his younger sibling disappeared to.

Hyunjin frowned. _Well, that’s just rude._

The demon yawned. Now that his source of entertainment is gone, he had no interest in hanging out at the park anymore. The soul that he was assigned to collect would not be ready until midnight, and he had nothing else to do in the meantime. He pondered briefly about bothering Changbin-hyung, his angel colleague, but could not decide whether hearing his nagging would be worth it or not. 

Hyunjin stood up and stretched his wings. He was about to rise from the branch he was perched on when he felt a strong pull in a specific direction. He hasn’t felt this sensation for a while now, the last one was probably a few decades ago. A dark portal began to form in front of him, and from the dark abyss soft chants called out to him like a siren song. This can only mean one thing: someone is summoning him. _Interesting_. Just the entertainment he was looking for.

Hyunjin entered the portal only to find himself transported to what looked like a bedroom. In front of him were a boy standing in his pajamas with glasses and tousled hair – he could not be older than a high schooler, and for a second, Hyunjin thought there might be a mistake.

“So demons are real, after all,” the boy said.

“Quite,” Hyunjin replied.

To Hyunjin’s amusement, the human boy looked… perplexed, as if he did not expect this outcome at all. To be fair, the boy did not look like the typical men who would usually summon him. The human boy looked… awfully ordinary, if Hyunjin said so himself.

“I’m Seungmin,” the human boy introduced.

Hyunjin quirked an eyebrow at the polite gesture. Most of the humans he dealt with usually went straight to the point and state their demands on the spot.

“You may call me Hyunjin,” the demon said, “Do you know the purpose of the ritual you just conducted?”

A human summoning a demon by accident is unheard of, considering the preparation that the ritual required, but it would not be the strangest thing Hyunjin has heard in the thousands of years he has lived for. 

“The book said the demon I summoned will grant me my desire,” the human answered.

The indirect answer caught Hyunjin attention. It seemed like this human was not as simple-minded as the others he had dealt with. “Correct,” the demon confirmed, “I will grant you _one_ desire, in exchange for your soul when you die.”

The demon moved closer to the human until there was barely any space between them. Seungmin wasn’t even the least bit intimidated. He stared into Hyunjin’s eyes, mesmerized by the blood-red iris and the tiny slit of his pupil. “Well?” Hyunjin smirked, “What is it that you desire?”

“I just need an answer to a question,” Seungmin said.

“Then ask,” countered Hyunjin.

The demon is curious about what kind of request this human will have. He hoped it’s not anything boring, like wealth, power, or fame. There were too many instances like these, and they always end the same way. 

“So tell me,” the human asked, “When will I die?”

* * *

_December 19th. I will die on December 19th. This year._

The timing is a little shorter than he had anticipated, but he found that he did not actually mind it all that much. He could still celebrate one more birthday, though Seungmin was not sure if there was a point in doing so anymore. When the demon had given him the answer, Seungmin didn’t really feel… anything. He wasn’t angry, or sad, or even surprised. He just felt… nothing. Perhaps it had something to with the way that-

“-min? Seungmin?”

Seungmin stopped his musing and turned towards Jisung, his childhood best friend.

“Yeah, sorry, what?” he asked, a little distracted.

“I think I left my career consultation form in class,” Jisung whined, “Do you mind waiting, while I go get it?”

“Sure,” Seungmin agreed easily, “I’ll wait for you outside the gate.”

“I’ll be quick!,” Jisung shouted, running back towards the school building. Seungmin shook his head at his best friend. This was not the first time Jisung had forgotten something in class. Chuckling to himself, Seungmin began to walk out of the school’s premises.

Seungmin was thinking about the new book he started reading yesterday when the incident happened. In Seungmin’s memory, everything happened in slow motion. A stray cat was crossing the street. A silver sedan was zooming through the road, and the driver didn’t seem to notice the little cat. _If I run, I could still make it._ Before he knew it, Seungmin’s body had moved on its own, his legs making a run for the cat. _I could make it, I could make it I could I could..._

Seungmin made a grab for the cat and got them to the safety of the sidewalk. Seungmin’s heart was pounding and he was heaving from the rush and adrenaline. He quickly checked if the cat was alright before putting her down so she can be on her way. 

“I can’t decide whether your action is heroic, or just reckless,” the demon remarked innocently, 

When Seungmin turned to glare at him, Hyunjin raised his hands in a placating gesture. “I’m just saying,” he said, “For someone who just discovered when they would die, you don’t seem like you value your life very much.”

“Well you know, knowing when I would die really put things into perspective for me,” Seungmin said half-sarcastic, “And since I’m not going to die today, why not save a life?”

“You’re weird for a human,” Hyunjin commented

“And you’re weird, for a demon,” Seungmin countered.

“Seungminnie!,” a voice called out to him. It was Jisung.

When Seungmin turned back again, the demon was already gone.

“Minnie? Everything okay?”

Seungmin blinked, trying to process what happened. “Yeah,” he replied.

“Oh, that’s good!” Jisung said, smiling. It was only then that Seungmin noticed the figure standing behind Jisung. It was Lee Felix, the transfer student who moved to their school a year ago. “Felix helped me find my form!,” Jisung explained, “do you mind if he tagged along on the way back with us?”

Seungmin had nothing against Felix at all. He just didn’t really know anything about him aside from the stories Jisung told him. Seungmin liked him as much as the next guy but he didn’t feel like hanging out with other people right now. If it was just Jisung it would have been fine, because well, Jisung is Jisung and he’s comfortable. They could walk in complete silence and it wouldn’t have been awkward at all. If Felix joined them, Seungmin would feel some sort of obligation to talk to him, and he’s just not in the mood right now.

“Isn’t Felix’s house in another direction?,” Seungmin asked, “Why don’t you send Felix home, and I’ll talk to you later?”

“Oh,” Jisung’s face fell, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, you act like we won’t see each other every day,”

Jisung hmmph-ed, “You don’t answer my calls and you left my messages on read nowadays. Promise you'll reply to my texts?"

“Yes, yes, I will. Now gooooo,” Seungmin smiled and ushered the two of them away. He watched the two of them in silence as they walked away until their silhouettes disappeared into a corner. 

* * *

“Now that your room doesn’t have the rituals set up anymore, it looks pretty cute. I really like your starry ceiling,” the demon commented, “I noticed you have a lot of books about space too. Why is that?”

“I’m sorry, but can you be quiet? I’m trying to study here,” Seungmin snapped, “And stop touching my things!”

As if he didn’t hear what Seungmin just said, Hyunjin continued to flip through one of Seungmin’s astronomy books. The demon decided to reappear again once Seungmin reached his house, and now he’s lounging on Seungmin’s bed as if he owned the place. When Seungmin read the dark magic book about demon summoning, there were no warnings whatsoever about being terrorized by an annoying demon. Seungmin was starting to regret summoning a demon in the first place, now.

“Are you just going to stay here all night?” Seungmin asked, irritated, “Don’t you have some… demon activities to do?” 

The human boy didn’t think he would be able to stand the demon’s commentary anymore. As an only child and a lone wolf, Sungmin is used to spending his time alone. He did not think he would get anything done with the other chattering non-stop next to him. Even Jisung, on the rare occasion Seungmin let him inside his room, knew to keep quiet when Seungmin is in a focused mode.

“Just for a couple of hours,” the demon said casually from his spot on Seungmin’s bed, “A bad man is going to die a few blocks away from here at 8.15, and I have to collect his soul.”

The human boy groaned in dissatisfaction. _Great, just great, that’s still a couple of hours away._

“You didn’t answer my question,” the demon pouted.

Seungmin did not reply immediately, taking his time to decide whether or not he should share more information with the demon. In the end, the human boy figured there was no harm in telling him about it. “When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut,” Seungmin confessed, “I’ve always had an affinity for astronomy.”

“Oh?”

“It’s just a stupid childhood dream,” Seungmin added quickly, “It doesn’t matter now, anyway.” 

The demon didn’t comment on that, he closed the book in silence and put them back on the shelf. The human boy put away his textbook, knowing he won’t get any peace anytime soon, so there was no point in trying to study now. He might as well take a short breather. Seungmin eyes fell on the old chessboard he’d taken from his grandparents’ house. The last time he had played must be years ago. He turned to look at Hyunjin, and back at the chessboard.

“What about a game of chess, then?”

* * *

“So is He real?”

Hyunjin looked up from the chessboard and shot a confused look at the human’s sudden question. They were having another chess game today. Hyunjin thought it might start to become a routine. Every few days or so, he would stop by to check on the human boy, and they would play a round of chess or two. If Hyunjin was being honest, and he rarely does (unless it’s within his own interest), he would admit that he quite enjoyed it. The human boy proved to suffice as his source of entertainment. 

“Who’s real?” the demon asked.

“God,” Seungmin replied.

The irony that the boy was asking this question to a demon wasn’t lost on him. The demon’s eyes glints with mischief for a second as he contemplated messing around with the human boy. In the end, he settled by saying a simple, “yes.”

Seungmin blinked at that. “Have you seen Him? In person? With your own eyes?”

Hyunjin can’t help it, he laughed at the barraging questions. “No,” he said, honestly.

“So... you’re saying that He exists, despite never seeing him?,” Seungmin scoffed in disbelief.

“It’s not exactly my job to make sure you believe He exists now, is it?” the demon retorted, a devilish grin playing on his lips.

Seungmin smiled. “Fair enough,” he conceded.

Still grinning, Hyunjin moved his queen across the board to take Seungmin’s bishop, making the human boy pouts. 

“Your turn.”

* * *

“Not going to answer that?”

“No,”

“Did you two had a fight?”

“No,”

Seungmin thought the demon would push for more information and was prepared to tell him no once again. But he didn’t.

What Seungmin said was not a lie. He and Jisung did not have a fight. Seungmin couldn’t even remember the last time they had a big fight, it must have been years ago. No, the reason why Seungmin hadn’t been answering Jisung’s texts or calls and avoided going home together with him didn’t have anything to do with a fight. Seungmin had his own reason for that.

“There is something that I’m curious about,” the demon said.

Seungmin glanced at him from his peripheral view, but could not get a read on Hyunjin’s blank face. “What is it?” he asked.

“Most people in your position would have asked me to extend their life, or cure their illness, but you didn’t. Why is that?” the demon questioned, “Did you want to die?”

“I don’t... necessarily want to die,” I’m more worried about what I will be leaving behind, should I die. I’m worried about my parents, they’re too old to have another child now. I’m worried about Jisung too, who’s going to remind him to take care of himself?”

“Are you not afraid of death?”

“No,” declared Seungmin. The self-assured tone in his voice made Hyunjin smile. He could tell the other boy was not lying – his human was unlike anyone he had met before. 

“What about what happens after?” 

“You mean hell?” Seungmin looked up and pondered about it, trying to visualize the concept of hell as he knew it. “I don’t think so,” he decided.

“No?” Hyunjin quirked his eyebrow, amused.

“Well,” Seungmin looked at Hyunjin, considering, “You’ll be there too, won’t you?”

His answer caught the Hyunjin off guard for a heartbeat, but the demon quickly masked his surprise with a teasing smirk. “Awww,” Hyunjin cooed, “I didn’t know you feel that way, Seungminnie~” 

“Shut up, only Jisung get to call me that.” The human boy rolled his eyes and took away Hyunjin’s queen out of spite. If the demon noticed the small quirk at the corner of Seungmin’s lips, he didn’t mention it.

* * *

Today had not been an easy day for Seungmin. Nothing major happened, but there were so many little things that went wrong today consecutively. For one, Seungmin found himself Two, he went to the library today to borrow a specific astronomy book, only to find out that it has been checked out by someone else. And to add the cherry on top, Jisung had been going hard with his puppy dog eyes lately, and it’s starting to get harder to not cave in and just interact with the other boy. The only thing that strengthened his resolve was the thought of Jisung eventually getting used to his absence.

Seungmin thought Jisung would try to corner him after school, so he had planned to dash out of class as soon as school ended and was prepared to take the long way home. But to his surprise, he didn’t have to, because Jisung beat him to it. The other boy left the school’s premises as if he could not stand another minute there. Seungmin is relieved, but at the same time a little worried – he hoped Jisung didn’t get himself into any kind of trouble.

It was a little lonely walking back alone, and there was a part of him that was weak and spoilt that wishes he had just let his best friend know why Seungmin had been pushing him away. _This is important_ , he had to remind himself, _You won’t be there for Jisung forever._

At least the walk from school to his house was not long at all. Seungmin fished his key out of the pocket of his coat so he could unlock the door. His parents were probably are not home yet; his father’s work only ends at 7 pm, and his mother was supposed to be out with friends today. Seungmin fully expected the house to be empty and quiet, but when he opened the door, he was met with multiple grinning faces.

“SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

Grinning, Jisung ran up to him and pulled him inside. Seungmin’s brain was still trying to recover from the surprise and tried to identify the other people in that room. His head was spinning from an onslaught of faces, but he recognized a few of them as his classmates.

There were so many people everywhere, their faces blurred in Seungmin’s vision; and wherever he turned, there were loud voices. Too many figures and waves of laughter and too many voices shouting over each other all at once. Suddenly, Seungmin felt like his senses were on an override, and he felt like he was suffocating. Every single movements or noise were overwhelming, and his brain just keeps on screaming: _TooMuchTooMuchTooMuchTooMuchTooMuch_

“Get out,” Seungmin said with a weak voice.

Everyone froze, and the room went dead silent. “What?” Jisung asked, confused.

“I SAID GET OUT!,” he shouted, almost hysterics, “GET OUT! GET OUT! ALL OF YOU!”

Hearing him shout like that set his parents into action. His mother tried to calm him down with soothing words, while his father and Jisung began to usher out the classmates Jisung had invited. The flurry of movements made his head spins, and the overwhelming feeling returned. Seungmin pushed his way past his mother and ran into his bedroom. He locked the door, and then slid down to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest.

There was a soft knock on the door. Seungmin knew it was Jisung without having to guess, he knew his best friend well. 

A beat passed.

Another knock. Slightly louder, this time.

“Seungmin?”

Jisung’s voice sounded so unsure and sad, something he never wanted his best friend to ever sound like, but he could not let Jisung see him like this. He didn’t want Jisung to look at him in pity, didn’t want Jisung to think that could not rely on Seungmin anymore just because he has this stupid fucking disease, didn’t want Jisung to see him as anything other than his strong, reliable best friend who had watched over him since they were kids.

A sob escaped him. Seungmin dropped his head onto arms and let the tears fall. Jisung could probably hear him now, but Seungmin’s too tired to care about it now - too overwhelmed by his own emotions.

Jisung spoke up again, a moment later. “I’m sorry, Minnie,” followed by a small, barely audible, “...Happy birthday.”

And then, not long after, he heard his best friend walked away. Getting further and further, until the only thing Seungmin could hear is the sound of his own sobs.

The apology didn’t make Seungmin feel better, it felt like a stab to the heart, because if anything, Seungmin should be the one to apologize. Jisung didn’t do anything wrong. He was just trying to be a good friend. Can Seungmin say the same about himself? He’s not the one who pushed his friend away, not the one who ignored his best friend messages for days on end.

 _This is better anyway_ , Seungmin thought to himself. _This way, it’ll be easier for Jisung to forget him. This way, it’ll be easier for Seungmin to say goodbye._

* * *

Seungmin stopped coming to school a week ago. The doctor told his parents Seungmin doesn’t have long now, maybe a month at best – but Seungmin knew better. He could hear his mother crying just outside his room. His father tried to calm her down but was only met with screams of accusations and blame. Seungmin put on his headphones, there is no song playing; everything felt too loud right now, and he just wanted to mute all the voices. To be perfectly honest, Seungmin was tired. Sometimes he thought... He’d rather everything be over already. 

Seungmin felt the bed dipped behind him. Hyunjin.

“Don’t say anything. Please,” the human begged, “Just don’t.”

Silence.

It’s only when Seungmin’s parents’ voice went away that the human boy sat up and turned towards the demon. Hyunjin had sat on the outer corner of Seungmin’s bed, his wings folded back. Hyunjin’s expression was neutral, as they are most of the time, and Seungmin was grateful for both his silence and his lack of expression. The last thing he needed right now was to be pitied by a demon.

“I’m going to talk to my parents, tell them it’s no-one’s fault, stop them from blaming each other. I’m going to apologize to Jisung too and tell him the truth. I’m going to make things better.”

“I believe you,” is all Hyunjin said.

Seungmin released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I’ll do all that,” the human promised, “Just… not today.” 

Against his better judgment, the human boy leaned on Hyunjin and rest his head on the demon’s shoulder. In return, Hyunjin wrapped an arm around the boy and pulled him closer.

“Not today,” the demon agreed.

* * *

Since Seungmin is technically supposed to be on bed rest, his parents would not allow him to go out. So all he could do was send Jisung a text. Seungmin did not expect Jisung to agree to come to visit him, he did not even expect the other boy to reply to his text at all – considering what happened last time. Against his expectations, Jisung showed up to his house as soon as he received the text. 

It was a little awkward for both of them. They had not spoken to each other for weeks and their last interactions… Seungmin didn’t want to think about that anymore. It felt strange, because Jisung was his best friend, and he had never felt like he had to be careful with his words. But now, he felt like he had to walk on eggshells around the other boy. Jisung looked as lost as Seungmin felt, standing awkwardly in the middle of Seungmin’s bedroom as if he had not been there so many times before.

Not knowing how or where to start the conversation, Seungmin decided to approach this with complete honesty – no more secrets. He gave Jisung a reassuring smile and opened up his arms. Jisung eyes widened in surprise at the gesture, he hesitated for a split second, before rushing into Seungmin’s awaiting arms. The shorter boy buried his face into the crook of Seungmin’s shoulder and began to sob. Seungmin could feel the dampness on his shirt from Jisung’s tears, and it broke his heart. He tightened his arms around the other and planted a kiss at the top of Jisung’s head.

It took a moment, a lot of ‘i’m sorry’s and ‘it’s okay’s and ‘i love you’s, but Seungmin managed to calm Jisung down eventually. 

“It’s so unfair! That someone like you, who has so much going on in your life, a bright future planned, and- and life just took it from you," Jisung cried, "but someone like me, who's useless and have no idea what he wants to do with his future, gets to live-"

"Jisung no, don't say that about yourself," Seungmin scolded.

“Minnie please,” Jisung begged, “I don’t- I don’t want you to go.”

Seungmin wiped a stray tear that lingered on Jisung’s cheek with his thumb. “That’s not your choice to make, Sung,” he said softly.

“There must be something that could save you,” Jisung said desperately, “Have you considered getting treatment overseas? Maybe other countries have more knowledge on how to treat your illness.”

“I don’t have much time left in this world,” Seungmin told him, “And I don’t want to waste it on a recovery program that I know isn’t going to work. I want to spend what time I have left with my parents and with you – people that I love. Would you give me this?”

“Of course,” Jisung nodded, sniffling, “I would give you the world if I could.”

* * *

When Seungmin and Jisung were younger, they used to go camping frequently. That was probably a very generous way to describe it. By “camping”, what they actually do is set up a tent a few meters away from the back of Seungmin’s house, lay on the grass looking up at the sky. Little Seungmin had pointed out the difference constellations to little Jisung, who couldn’t really see them, but had nodded along anyway to avoid disappointing his friend.

It was Seungmin who proposed that they try it again now, as teenagers, for old time’s sake. Jisung immediately beamed at him in excitement when he suggested it, and together, brought up the idea to Seungmin’s parents. Seungmin’s mother had been hesitant in the beginning, a little unsure if it would be a wise idea to allow Seungmin to do this. But when faced with the combination of Seungmin’s and Jisung’s puppy dog eyes, she finally relented.

“This is so fun!” Jisung said as they tried to figure out how to set up the tent by themselves.

The excitement began to wane a while later. They spent a whole fifteen minutes just randomly trying things out to see if they worked before Seungmin finally found the set-up manual for the tent. Seungmin had been exasperated that he didn’t think about finding the manual earlier. They did manage to set-up the tent in the end, so he let it go, not wanting to ruin the moment. After they laid up thick blankets on the grass-covered ground, just in front of the tent entrance, Seungmin and Jisung laid down together on the blanket and looked up at the stars.

“Will you tell me the names of the constellations again?,” Jisung requested, “Just one last time.”

“Alright,” Seungmin agreed.

So he did, just like old times.

* * *

In the last few days, Seungmin had been staying in the hospital. His parents took turns to watch over him, while Jisung came to visit every single day without fail – bringing with me an assortment of books or games for them to do together. When visitors hours were over and they had to leave, Seungmin made use of his alone time to write letters. He had written three; one for his father, one for his mother, and one for Jisung. Seungmin was not sure if he could say goodbye to them in person, so these letters would have to suffice as a proper goodbye.

“Tomorrow is the day,” Hyunjin said.

“I know,” Seungmin replied, “I’m all set.”

Hyunjin had come to visit him every day too, in the middle of the night. They could not play chess anymore, but Hyunjin would regale him with stories about his demons and angels colleague as he held his hand, and Seungmin would listen. Tonight was no exception. 

“Will you be with me until the very end?” the human boy asked.

The demon smiled softly and squeezed the boy's hand. “Yes, I will,” Hyunjin promised.

When Seungmin finally let sleep overcame him that night, there was a small content smile on his face.

* * *

“Seungminnie… Wake up,”

“Hyunjin?”

“It’s time. Are you ready to go?”

“...Yes, I think I’m ready to go now.”

* * *

_ Sungie, _

_ By the time you’re reading this, I couldn’t be here to offer you comfort in person anymore. Now that I’m not there to take care of you, or remind you to do your homework; you have to take better care of yourself, alright? I’m sorry I can’t watch over you like I promised when we were 5 years old. _

_ I still remember the first time we met, you cried because you fell and skinned your knee. I immediately felt this strong urge to protect you. You, with your heart-shaped smile, your lame jokes, your tendency to burst of High School Musical songs, and your big, sentimental heart. Don’t be so hard on yourself just because I’m not there to remind you of how great you are. _

_ I may haven’t been as present in your life as I should lately, but don’t think I didn’t notice that there is something between you and Felix. When you first started becoming close to him, I was perhaps a little jealous, which is stupid; because I know you would drop everything for me if I asked you to. That’s just the kind of selfless person you are. But now, I’m honestly a little relieved.  _

_ You finally found someone else who would put you first, and I am, from the bottom of my heart, genuinely happy for you. And if he (or any other guy for that matter) ever break your heart, rest assured that my spirit will rise from the pit of hell to haunt them for the rest of their miserable lives. _

_ There are so many great things waiting ahead of you. Your graduation, your first job, moving out, buying your own house, getting married - there are going to be so many moments, so many important milestones in your life that I can’t be there for. But I need you to know that, no matter what happens, no matter where you are, or who you’re with, or what you’re doing; I’ll always support you every step of the way. _

_ I know I probably didn’t say this often enough, but Han Jisung, you are the best friend I could ever ask for. Don’t cry over me too much, I never wanted to be the reason for your tears. Be happy, for me. _

  
  


_ Love,  _

_ Minnie. _

* * *

_ January 7th, 2019 _

“Okay, I’m going! I love you so much, see you!” Jisung planted a kiss to Felix’s cheek, before opening the car door and start making a run for it.

“Wait, Jisung! Babe!,” Felix rushed out from the car to follow him, “You forgot your student card!”

Jisung gasped as he stopped on his track, then turned on his heels, rushing back. He met Felix halfway and took his Student ID card from the other. “Thank you so much,” Jisung said, pulling Felix into a quick hug, “You’re a lifesaver.”

Felix cupped Jisung’s face with his hands and held him still. “Don’t rush, you’re not even late,” the Aussie chided, “I know it’s your first class, and you’re nervous, but it’s gonna be alright.”

“Right,” Jisung said, nodding to himself, “...it’s gonna be alright.”

Felix smiled at his boyfriend and pecked him on the lips. “You’re doing great, Sungie,” he reminded the other boy, “I’m proud of you. He is too.” Jisung let out a sniffle at that and tried to blink back the incoming tears. 

“Oh, Sungie, baby, don’t cry now,” Felix cooed. He pulled Jisung into his arms and peppered his face with little kisses, making the other boy giggle.

The two of them said their goodbyes, and Jisung continued to make his way to the lecture hall that his class is designated at. After some confusion and a lot of asking around for directions, he finally managed to find the room. There were already a few students settled inside, and Jisung took it upon himself to get to know them. A while later, the lecture hall started to fill in, slowly but surely. At 9 am sharp, their professor entered the hall, ready to start his first class of the semester.

“Good morning, everyone. My name is Professor Kim Joonmyun,” the man introduced himself, “Welcome to ‘Introduction to Astrophysics’.”

**Author's Note:**

> \- The plot of this fic is actually inspired by a manga I read when I was a child. I can't remember the title or the authors, but it's a compilation of short stories and each story was about different demons and how surprisingly human they could be despite their natural demonic instinct. This fic is different in that the focus lies more on Seungmin, who is human and how he actually found comfort in Hyunjin's apparent apathy versus the human sympathy he would usually get.
> 
> \- The title of the fic, "à dieu, adieu" was inspired by Wide Sargasso Sea, where the protagonist recalled a moment where her nanny/caretaker would sing her lullaby, and how her pronounication of 'adieu' sounded more like 'à dieu' which changed the meaning. sdfgshs I had to asked Christie for the actual meaning of the word, and it sort of translated into 'To God, goodbye'. And this was actually what prompted me to add a hint of existential nihilism into the fic.
> 
> \- According to the 5 Stages of Grief model, someone who is dying would experience 5 grief stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. They are not always linear, and they could reappear or occur at the same time. In this fic, Seungmin was actually tansitioning from Depression stage to the Acceptance stage, with bursts of Anger in the middle. Seungmin was actually ready to accept the fact that he would die, but the people around him, his parents and Jisung, weren't at the same stage as him yet - and that held him back, which became frustrating to him, hence, the outburst.


End file.
